A term I have become very familiar with in the online dating world, and rather quickly I may add, is "ghosting." Apparently it's okay to just simply disappear after building a meaningful, romantic, beautiful connection with someone online. I am exaggerating, obviously, but what happened to simple decency? "I'm just not that into you," would be fine. Or, "Hey, it was nice talking with you but I met someone else and I am going to explore that relationship further." Okay, that's probably asking a little too much, this is the online dating community after all. However, I've made a vow (that seems way too serious of a word) to not do this to someone else, because it SUCKS. Case in point this next story.
I believe his name was Ben, it's been a little bit of time now so I have tried to forget his name. Ben, who, if we're being honest here, probably isn't actually named Ben, was a nice, decent looking guy who lived about an hour or so from me. I must have had my search parameters set further than just closely at the time. Likely, because I lived, at the time, in a small town where let's face it, there are not a lot of fish to choose from. Ben had just purchased a home, was renovating it himself, and had a lot of pictures of himself doing said renovation. A man who doesn't mind doing hard labor is a win in my book. He had blonde hair, and blue eyes. He was very fit, especially more so now that he was doing all this work in his new house. He had a gorgeous dog, a huge bag patio and a yard for the dog to roam. Why is this important? Well, it just is. Girls, no matter how hard we try, can't help but picture the future. This house, this man, this dog.... it all fit into the perfect picture of what life could be like. And he agreed, as you'll come to learn shortly.
At this point, I can't remember who sent the first message, or what the first message even said. However, it really doesn't add or detract from this story. We started talking, and quickly began talking ALL. THE. TIME. This will be one of my biggest frustrations as the story progresses. So Ben, he seems smart, works at a big company in the town he lives in, has a seemingly high up, well paying job. This is also important in the fantasy world that happens in my brain when meeting new potentials. I believe he did IT work, or something like that. Stability is what my brain lumped it into.
After talking for days and days, our ALL DAY LONG conversations turned into talking for weeks and weeks. All the while, we are sharing pictures of what I think he could do with the house. He had said he wanted a woman's touch, or a woman's perspective because ultimately he wanted to have a family, etc. He started "joking" about how he didn't need to date anymore because he was pretty sure I was perfect, and started lovingly referring to me as "future wifey." Red flag? Probably. However, I couldn't help think it was cute. Hindsight, I should have ran for the hills.
We finally set up our first date, which seemed to take forever because of our busy lives. I wanted something in public of course, because I am not about to be the next story on Dateline. I could picture it, too. "Girl goes out on date with potential future husband, ends up in swamp dismantled." Because, I don't do things without a slight amount of exaggeration. I chose a movie theater that was near his house, I didn't mind making the drive up there. Small town vs. big town is going to win most of the time when it comes to date activities. Especially if I'm avoiding the swamp. So I picked a movie for us to watch, because he said he didn't care what it was. As long as it wasn't some sappy chick flick. The theater I chose is one that serves you food and drinks, has the more comfortable chairs, and just makes for a much nicer first date than a crappy movie theater chair where I'm trying to get comfortable the entire time. It also happened to be next to a bowling alley that had arcade games and a bar, so we could easily go there after the movie. In my head, it was going to be PERFECT. He even said so himself.
Because I'm a little crazy, and also watch too much Criminal Minds, I did a little background checking before our first date. Again, this no swamp thing. He had sent me the address to his house at one point, so that I could see the details of the house online on Zillow. I used my connections, AKA a friend, and confirmed that the man I'd been talking to was, in fact, the listed owner of the home. That put my mind at ease, and I was so excited for our first date that I bought a new outfit, picked up some of my favorite makeup at Ulta, and made sure to do my hair "extra cute." I told a friend where I was going, the time the movie was supposed to start, etc.
At this point, we were talking all day long. I usually woke up to a text message from him (on his "real" phone number, not just in the Tinder app) that said "good morning future wifey," or something ridiculously sweet and now, vomit worthy. When I woke up, I didn't have any message from him, but didn't think anything of it. Maybe he got to sleep in. As the day went on, I hadn't heard from him, at all, even after sending a good morning text message of my own. Finally, I heard from him and he told me that he'd gotten called into work in the middle of the night for some IT emergency. I think. He hadn't slept yet since then, but he assured me that we were still on for the evening. I, being the sweet girl that I am, decided that I would offer to reschedule if needed because I didn't want him falling asleep at the movies on our first date. He insisted that it would be okay, and that he'd try to take a nap beforehand. Problem solved.
Later that day, he text me and said that he wasn't able to get a nap in, so he wanted to see if I'd like to just come to his house instead, rent a movie, and he'd cook us dinner. I said no. I insisted that it was okay if he just take the evening to rest, because what kind of girl would I be if I didn't say that? I promised that I'd come up the next night instead, after a volunteer event I had in the afternoon. He agreed, and it seemed like we had a solid plan in place to make up for the failed first date attempt.
The next morning, I was off bright and early to the volunteer event. I sent him a good morning text message, kept him updated throughout the day of how the event was going, and reminded him how excited I was to go out with him that night. After the event was done, I realized I hadn't heard from him at all that day. Trying not to overthink it, I sent him a message letting him know that I was heading home from the event to shower and get ready, and my plan was to head up to him as soon as I was done.
I got home, showered, started getting ready and I still hadn't heard from him. So I called. I was honestly worried about him. My brain tends to go to the worst possible scenario. Maybe he got in a car accident, maybe he's deathly ill. Maybe he had a heart attack because I'm just so pretty and he couldn't believe he was getting a girl like me to go out on a date with him. Hey, you never know, it could happen. He didn't answer. But, stupidly, I kept getting ready. I kept pretending that it was all going to work out and that his phone must just be charging or something and he didn't see it. When I was done getting ready, I called again. No answer. So I sent him a text message asking if everything was okay, maybe something had come up with work again.
Nothing. No response. He had turned into a ghost. After a few days of not hearing from him, still, I sent him a not so nice text message explaining how ridiculous it was that he was just simply ignoring me. At least have the courtesy to explain yourself. I said something along the lines of, "I'm not that girl. I'm not going to beg you to answer the phone, or send you a message a million times and not take a hint." I was pissed. And hurt, and confused. Moral of the story, don't date online because people can just disappear as if they were never there at all. No matter if they called you their future wife or not. Alas, I continue to online date. Maybe it's just so I can share these horror stories with you. Maybe it's just because I need something to laugh about. Or maybe it's because I'm delusional and think it could actually work. More to come.
P.S. Don't ghost people. Seriously.
No comments:
Post a Comment