It's been awhile since my last post, and one could assume it could be for a number of reasons. 1) She got sick of writing about her miserable love life. (I wouldn't blame you for thinking that.) 2) She met someone, fell in love and they are living happily ever after. (HA!) 3) She got super busy and totally forgot about the dating world in its entirety. (Partially true...)
I've definitely been busy, but when am I not? I am most certainly not yet sick of writing about my miserable love life, it's practically the only good thing that comes from my the tragically depressing reality that is my dating life. If I can't laugh at myself, I'm not sure what else I have. If I had fallen in love and was living happily ever after, well... I'd have to start a new blog about how wonderful marriage is and how by some miracle love found me. But, based on my experience, that's not happening any time soon.
I have not, unfortunately, forgotten about the dating world. Since my last post, I did, in fact, get into a relationship. However, not one with anyone new. Hence the name of the post tonight.
My ex boyfriend, who I met through a good friend of mine and dated a couple years ago, and I reconnected. When we first started dating, he lived in Tucson, AZ and was in the Air Force. There were a lot of things that caused it to not work the first time, but I'm going to for the sake of his privacy and mine, just go ahead and say that it was because of distance. It was, in fact, one of the major reasons. I couldn't move to Tucson, he couldn't leave there. And it was getting expensive to fly there all the time. I'm definitely not making 6 figures, and we all know how well the military pays. But, I digress.
He got out of the Air Force! Yay! His home town is in Washington, and he was moving back there. I live in Oregon, much closer to Washington than to Arizona, and it's about a three hour drive between our cities. This was definitely doable. I think the both of us really wanted to give us a second chance, because there was a strong connection before, but not the right timing.
Well, after a month into the relationship, it was clear that love wasn't the only thing that could hold a relationship together and three hours was still too far for us to be apart to make it work, so he broke up with me about a week after my 30th birthday. Yay for heartbreak after turning an age that really makes you evaluate where you are in life.
Have you ever felt like you have a big giant sticker on your forehead telling everyone exactly where you are in life? Mine would say "SINGLE AND THIRTY." Or perhaps, "UNLUCKY IN LOVE." I want a sign to carry with me that's like, "Yes I'm single, stop asking me when I'm getting married already!"
It's like people are making your biological clock tick faster than it already is. I thought for sure that this was it. This guy, let me tell you, gives me the feelings I've been looking for what feels like an eternity. Our first kiss was one from the movies where the whole world stops turning, and you feel like you've just always meant to be in that exact moment, at that exact time and place, and you can see your whole future flash in front of your eyes. Marriage, kids, happily ever after.
He was the one. Until he wasn't.
Maybe it was foolish of me to think that it'd work this time around.
What happened next has just been the most fun I've had ever. Not.
I started questioning a lot of things. I still am questioning those things. Why am I single? Why does it always seem to not work out? Why do crazy girls like Krystal from the Bachelor seem to have more going for them than I do?
Pity party aside, I think that what's really been the most eye opening thing here is that it's extremely difficult in this world that we live in to NOT think about dating. To not wonder if the guy that walks in to the Crossfit gym one day that you've never seen before could be the guy for you. To not wonder if the guy who always flirts with you at Dutch Bros. is actually interested or just looking for you to hit the "add tip" button when you pay for your coffee.
For goodness sake, you turn the radio on and it's filled with songs about love and marriage and the perfect fairy tale ending. You turn the TV on and there are dozens of relationships thrown right in your face. I'm guilty as charged watching The Bachelor the most stupid, yet most addicting show to ever hit television, dreaming about what it'd be like to be that girl getting swept off her feet by an eligible bachelor who "knows what he wants in life, and is ready to settle down."
I can't do anything at all in life, except perhaps stay at home and be a hermit, without being reminded that I am single. No, that doesn't exactly work either. There's never silence quite that loud.
Why does society put so much pressure on women especially to find "the one" and be in a relationship, and get engaged, and get married and have kids, etc.?
My New Year's Resolution was to not look anymore. To just let love find me, as the "experts" say is the best. I'm 23 days in and there are no dating apps on my phone anymore, but man... it's like I can't escape the pressure. That bio clock keeps ticking faster and faster every time I wake up on a new day.
Day 24 starts tomorrow...
